It’s no longer the baseball preseason. Time to get your ass fired up for the regular fall season of America’s Pastime. Read all our playoff team previews here. Today, you’re getting to know … THE CHICAGO CUBS. Who are the Cubs? The Cubs are, spiritually speaking, the only possible team that could go 97-65 and still end up third in their own division without it surprising you at all. Meanwhile, the drunken North Side dudebros who cheer this team on make this the ONE fanbase out there for whom the prospect of temporarily limited bathroom availability represents a true crisis. WHERE DO I PISS? OH DEAR GOD WHERE DO I PISS?! (pisses on a nearby dog) What guys should you know? Pitcher Jake Arrieta is a guy! He’s 21-6 with a 1.82 ERA this season, which sounds pretty fucking awesome. He’s 10-0 with an 0.44 ERA since the beginning of August! If I know the Cubs, I know they will try to ride this poor man like a pack mule, have him throw 200 pitches in the play-in game, and somehow compromise both their playoff run and his career in the process. Also, rookie slugger Kris Bryant is a guy! The Cubs held him down in the minors earlier this season just to squeeze an extra year of service out of him before he can become eligible as a free agent, but it turned out to not be all that big a deal. Cubs fans dream about him and first baseman Anthony Rizzo hitting 30 dingers apiece for the next 15 years; probably they’ll both fall in open manhole covers. Since we all know some shitty hitter will come up in a tight spot for them in the playoffs and fuck it all up, be sure to make note of backup catcher David Ross, a vaunted leader of men who’s hit .179 in 156 at-bats. That’s probably the guy about whom you will bellow, “WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY AND WHY IS HE PINCH HITTING?!” A GIF of a Cubs fan Can they beat the Cardinals? BAHAHAHAHAHA LIKE THAT IDEA COULD EVER SERIOUSLY BE ENTERTAINED. These are the Cubs, which means they’ll be LUCKY if they make it deep enough to get blown to pieces by their Gosh Brigade rivals down south. Who has the best baseball chin? That would be reliever Fernando Rodney. Fine baseball chin. Why you should root for the Cubs I spent three years of my childhood living a few blocks from Wrigley Field, and so I’m biased here when I say I think that the Cubs—despite their historic run of futility and their fans’ cutesy love affair WITH that futility—are infinitely more charming than the Red Sox, and always have been. There is no Shank in Chicago. No Simmons. No Affleck. Half of comedian Twitter does not cheer for them. The percentage of dirty stubble at Cubs games is a good 15 percent less than that at Fenway. Bill Murray likes the Cubs, man. The rest of the Deadspin staff do not share my opinion about the Cubs. They find them gross and obnoxious and only slightly less precious than the Cardinals. And given that Mike Wilbon, who sucks, cheers for this team, I can’t argue against that viewpoint. BUT … as a neutral observer, the 2003 baseball playoffs were fucking incredible, and would have been that much MORE incredible if the Cubs had won it all. I would much prefer to see a historically downtrodden team like the Cubs or even the Mets get over the hump than spend another goddamn fall watching the goddamn Cardinals wipe their smarmy goddamn taint all over everything. Deep down, I will always root for the cliché. There’s no way I’m gonna cheer when Steve Bartman goes up to grab that ball and the boring-ass Marlins end up profiting from it. I want history. I want the Cubs to finally Do It. Only then will it be time to turn on them for good. Photos via Getty Relatedsports betting calculatorsvegas parlay calculatormoneyline to percentage calculatorhalf point odds calculatorkelly criterion bet calculatorhedge betting calculatorspread bettingbetting over undersports parlaysround robinoptimal ev bettingwhat does hedge mean in betting
Related Posts
Patrick Vieira is New York City manager
Toronto FC welcome New York City to the BMO Field in the MLS on Sunday evening, and are big favourites to pick up all three points.
Victory for the hosts could see them extend their lead over second-placed Chicago Fire to five points, but defeat would hand City the chance to leapfrog them and reach the summit.
Toronto are strong at home and have the best defence
Greg Vanney’s Toronto FC side are currently top of the Eastern Conference table with 40 points from 21 games this season, coming off the back of three wins and two draws from their last half a dozen outings. Toronto have the best defence in the division (22) and are one of two sides unbeaten on home soil.
Ahead of Sunday evening’s clash, Toronto…
Arsenal made the biggest move of the transfer window on Wednesday by spending a reported club-record £52million fee on striker Alexandre Lacazette.
The France international had been linked with Atletico Madrid, but their FIFA-imposed transfer ban ultimately proved too big an obstacle, allowing Gunners boss Arsene Wenger to pounce.
Lacazette has been a consistent menace in Ligue 1 with Lyon and was named the division s player of the year for 2014-15 after finishing as top goalscorer on 27.
But how does the 26-year-old measure up to Arsenal s other attacking options? Can he provide more than just goals? With the help of Opta, we assess his efforts in the league last year compared to the rest of his new club s forward line.
OUT-GUNNING THE GUNNER…
Best odds: 10/11
Bookmaker:
Liverpool are playing host to Southampton at Anfield on Saturday afternoon in a game that could turn out to be one of the more interesting features in the 25th round of this season s Premier League roller coaster; at least from some points of view.
Liverpool
There s really no need to discuss or assess the way Liverpool s season has been going, especially when it comes to the Premier League. Often enough their supporters have been taunted for never winning it with the taunters referring to the period since its reorganization in 1992, though in truth they have 18 league titles under their belt, second only to Manchester United s 20. And it seems number 19 is well on the way.
The Champions League holders played the game in hand …
Arsenal head of recruitment Sven Mislintat will leave his position on February 8, the Premier League club have confirmed.
Mislintat rose to prominence as highly regarded talent spotter at Borussia Dortmund and was appointed by Arsenal midway through last season.
He appeared set to be a key pillar of Arsenal s behind-the-scenes operation in the post-Arsene Wenger era but has been heavily linked with a role at Bayern Munich over recent weeks.
A statement released by the Gunners read: Sven has been with us since December 1, 2017 and has done a truly outstanding job in helping us recruit players who are making a big impact now and will do so even more in the future.
We wish him every success for the future and thank him for his extremely hard work on behalf…
Massimiliano Allegri has urged Juventus to use anger at their Champions League failure as motivation to succeed in the Europa League.
A 2-1 defeat to Paris Saint-Germain in Turin saw Juve become only the second Italian side to lose five of six group stage matches in the competition, after Roma in 2004-05 – though their elimination had already been confirmed.
Juve required a victory to cement their spot in the knockout stages of the Europa League but ultimately must be thankful to Benfica for firing five second-half goals against Maccabi Haifa to prevent the Allegri s side from exiting continental football entirely.
In the Europa League, Juve will be considered to be among the favourites to go all the way and Allegri has urged his side to use their anger to prop…
In the Premier League, only Pep Guardiola, Jurgen Klopp and Antonio Conte could reasonably claim not to be envious of Unai Emery s CV.
Emery has coached in three of Europe s top five leagues and won one domestic league title and four of five major European finals.
As recently as May, Emery s Villarreal were going toe-to-toe with Klopp s Liverpool in the Champions League semi-finals.
Yet Emery is returning to England with a side battling against relegation – as he might have done 12 months ago when he was Newcastle United s top target.
Although the Spaniard s two most recent Europa League successes came in finals against Liverpool and Manchester United, he is best recognised in the Premier League as an ultimately underwhelming Arsenal manager, far since …
Bayer Leverkusen have signed defender Kyriakos Papadopoulos on a season-long loan deal from Bundesliga rivals Schalke.
The Greece international has been plagued by injuries and made only five appearances for Schalke last season due to a knee problem and then a dislocated shoulder, which ruled him out of the World Cup.
Papadopoulos was linked with a move to Liverpool, but the 22-year-old has now sealed a move to the BayArena for the upcoming campaign.
He told Leverkusen s official website: I am very happy that it worked out with the change. Bayer 04 is a club just like Schalke with major international ambitions.
Unfortunately I was injured more often in the past season. But now I m back fit and highly motivated to achieve with Leverkusen both my personal …
New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning hopes lightning can strike twice when his side meet the New England Patriots in Sunday s Super Bowl.
Manning led the Giants to a famous Super Bowl victory over the Patriots in 2008 with a last minute drive, while New York has the recent form over New England clinching a 24-20 win when the sides met in November.
I think it feels like we ve played them a decent amount in the last couple of years, Manning said.
We ve played them in the Super Bowl, we ve played them in the regular season, we have played them close in all of those games so I think you understand that they are very talented.
They have the ability to score a lot of points, their defence has the ability to keep you to a minimum of points so it s going …
Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers is lining up a £25m move for Roma midfielder Miralem Pjanic, .
The Reds’ boss flew to Italy after his sides 3-2 win over Tottenham Hotspur on Tuesday to work on a deal for the Bosnia and Herzegovina international, who could be seen as an ideal replacement for outgoing club captain Steven Gerrard.
Gerrard is set to end his twenty-five year association with Liverpool at the end of the season, when he will move to MLS side LA Galaxy.
Pjanic moved to Roma from Lyon in the summer of 2011 and has so far racked up one hundred and twenty appearances in all competitions for the Serie A side, scoring sixteen goals.
Internationally, the 24 year old has been capped fifty-nine times and was part of his nation’s squad for la…
Hull City and Steve Bruce have come to an agreement to extend his deal as manager and the 54-year-old will sign on the dotted line within 24 hours.
Bruce s deal was set to expire at the end of the current campaign and, with Hull battling against relegation, serves as a vote of confidence.
I m delighted to have committed my future to the club – we have achieved a lot in the few years we have been here but this is just the beginning of the journey, Bruce said.
Premier League survival is now crucial for us at this time, as is improving our training facility as we look to continue to grow and become a solid, well-run Premier League club.
I would like to thank the owners for their continued support as well as the fans; we have had the supporters backing …